SHRPShooter DSLR 7D
Inspired by: The on-mountain photographer

Built with an 18 megapixel core and dual DIGIC 4 image processing stringers, the SHRPShooter is reinforced with glimmerglass in the tip and tail for added light refraction and reduced glare when skiing, or standing, for the camera. Available only in a 100cm length, this ski is short enough to stay clicked in while lying on the snow to snap photos of that family of six from San Antonio.

Road Soda 3.2
Inspired by: The bartender

The all-new 3.2 from the Road Soda line is flirtatious and a bit tipsy on the playful scale while offering reliability and emotional comfort. Carbonated Flipcup construction with a hand-distilled rye whiskey core delivers a confidence-inspiring experience whether you ski it neat or on the rocks. Tip size has increased by 20 percent this year. Designed for skiers who get their first chair at noon and call it for après by mid-afternoon, the Road Soda 3.2 is a crowd-pleasing show pony that loves a freshly salted kicker.

The Greasetrap
Inspired by: The dishwasher

Made wtih a recycled porcelain core garnished with ground chicken-bone filler and cannabis resin, the Greasetrap is designed to straightline through patrol-induced avy debris, schmear turns in corn, and get you where you're going on time. Almost. Ideal for the New Jersey transplant who lives with five roommates in a 600-square-foot trailer, the Greasetrap will make you wonder why everyone doesn't ski in the backseat.

W3lcome 2.0
Inspired by: The volunteer mountain host

An enthusiastic, obnoxiously poppy core constructed of crumbled Nature Valley granola bars and hot cocoa stringers throughout. Whipped cream and marshmallow technology in the tip keep the weight down, which doesn't matter since this ski only cruises fresh corduroy on sunny, bluebird days like the ones you see in brochures. Trail map topsheet ensures you'll never have to take anything but the easy way down.

RWeThereYet Pro
Inspired by: The dad on vacation

Amazingly resilient against the most impossible conditions, the RWeThereYet Pro has two inches of forged steel to protect it from any and all abuse on the crowded shuttle bus from the econo parking lot five miles from the chairlifts. Topsheet design consists of illustrated memories from college to inspire I-still-got-it courage. Bald on top, chubby around the waist, and a softer flex helps Dad keep his tips up for that one precious run by himself. This ski is meant to be affordable because let's face it: After a ski vacation, Dad is flat-ass broke.

The Octogen 88
Inspired by: The one still skiing after her 80th birthday

A durable ski made to last and last and last…and last, the Octogen 88 features salt in the tip and tail to cut through the bullshit, with just the right amount of sweetness and warmth underfoot to let you know everything will be OK. Sandwich construction of hard candy in weird bowls between two sheets of extra fiber provide a solid foundation for cruising through whatever comes your way, as well as improved digestion.

PlowMax F150
Inspired by: The plow driver

Designed for the snow removal specialist who's been up since 3 a.m. and might as well get first tracks, the PlowMax is an easy-to-steer, torsionally rigid ski constructed with a dense salt-gravel core and studded rubber edges for increased edge hold on hardpack. Ultra Urly Rise™ technology, aka Donkey Ball Rocker, in the tip starts the shovel at the front of the mounting plate while the 200cm underfoot offers maximum flotation. The 6m turn radius allows you to take the sharpest of turns at high speed. A squeaky horn on top allows you to honk at dumbasses who get stuck where they shouldn't.

4Profit4Me Ti
Inspired by: The real estate developer

Soft, noodly, scared to confront others face-to-face unless it's an attorney or mistress, this ski is completely hollow from tip to tail, held together by premium-tier baby buffalo fur and copper edges dripping with the blood of the trampled hearts of ski bums. At 120cm underfoot and available only in a 195, you might say it's compensating for something.

This story originally appeared in the October 2018 (47.2) issue of POWDER. To have great stories like this delivered right to your door, in print, subscribe here.