PHOTO: Keith Carlsen

1. Sandwich: From the condiment bar, gather one package each of Saltines, ketchup, mustard, relish.

2. Defogging services: Courtesy of the bathroom hand drier or—please don't—the microwave in the lodge.

3. Beer, flat, room temperature: They're definitely not going to finish that.

4. Parking: Imagine yourself magically whisked away to…Siberia.

5. Wool beanie, stained: Department of Lost and Found.

6. Dessert, Maraschino cherries: Swipe a handful when the bartender is shaking a drink.

7. Refills: In and around the mouth, on stormy afternoons.

8. Hot tub, poached: Try not to cause a scene.