PHOTO: Jay Goodrich
PHOTO: Jay Goodrich

New Year’s Resolutions We Are All Going to Fail

Why you should ditch your resolutions and just go skiing instead

It's a new year, an opportunity for a clean slate, a fresh start, and to set some New Year's Resolutions that you inevitably give up on after a week. The reality is, only eight percent of people actually follow through on their resolution plans (yes, the University of Scranton actually did a study on this). But hey, here’s to trying! Even though most of them will kick the bucket before you can turn the calendar to February. With that in mind, we've laid out some common resolutions for skiers, and the inevitable reasons why they won't work out.

Resolution: Go to the gym more.
Where it will go wrong: After taking January 1 as a rest day because you still couldn't find the shoe you lost on New Year's Eve, you walk into the gym ready for a new year, new you. You spent all night researching the best workouts for skiers, hoping that maybe this year you can get to the bottom of that one mogul run without your legs wanting to fall off. After seeing the other 8,000 people in the gym that had the same idea as you, you decide it's not worth it. Who even likes skiing moguls anyway?

Resolution: Get off social media.
Where it will go wrong: After the social media nightmare that was 2017, you decide enough is enough, it's time to focus on bigger and better things, like skiing. You delete your Twitter, tell yourself to only go on Facebook to check in with old friends, and that Instagram isn't worth the popularity contest. Five minutes later, you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through your newsfeed with no recollection of even opening the new tab on your computer. And that sick pow shot you got from last weekend? I mean come on, we all know that it's way too good not to be on the 'gram.

Resolution: Bring tele skiing back.
Where it will go wrong: Man, remember when you used to shred the knee droppers? You skied everything your alpine friends did--except, you were on teles. Strong quads, good weed, hippie chicks, face shots--they all came easy. And so you dust off your old T1’s with bold optimism, until you realize, after run no. 1, that tele skiing is really damn hard and you haven’t been able to keep up with you friends all day. You bashfully throw the free-heel sticks back in the truck and grab something burly before it’s even noon. Your mind might no longer be free, but at least you can ski fast again.

Resolution: Finally stomp that feature from last season.
Where it will go wrong: You know the one. That one jump/drop/gap from last season that scared you so much you chickened out every time you thought about hitting it. Well, neither your peer-pressuring friends nor your bruised ego will allow you to get away without hitting it this season. After a few speed checks, you're at the top of the drop in, ready to hit it. Seconds later, you find yourself upside down in a foot of powder and God knows where your skis went when you double ejected. At least you can say you finally hit it and that video your friend took will definitely boost those Insta likes, brah.

Resolution: Eat better.
Where it will go wrong: "This is finally going to be the year," you say, as you push your shopping cart around the grocery store, piling it high with organic broccoli, La Croix, and other sustainably sourced nuts with fancy packaging--Mom would be proud. After two days of clean eating, you're hungry and hanging at après after a big day on the hill and someone orders chili cheese fries. Just one can't hurt, right? After one bite, you decidedly order your own basket. Sorry vegan tofu stir fry, you just weren't cutting it.

Resolution: Go skiing more.
Where it will go wrong: Now, we've been pretty lenient on letting the other resolutions slide, but not this one. Now that you've freed your schedule from going to the gym and needless hours spent at the grocery store checking nutrition labels, you have even more time to get on your skis. Now get off your ass, toss the workout gear in the closet, the $12 kale chips in the garbage, and load up the car--it's time to go skiing.

Read More: The Snow Sucks. Ski Anyway.