1. They are never hungover.
2. They will both chase tail unsuccessfully, but it's typically less damaging for the dog.
3. They speak in the language your child can understand: eat, play, slobber, sleep, poop, eat, slobber, eat, play, poop, poop.
4. Superior sense of smell means they know when your child has soiled himself.
5. They only sniff their own asses, unless, of course, your child has pinched a loaf in his ski pants, in which case the dog will sniff it and then eat it.
6. Extremely dedicated--to your child, to a tennis ball, and to the slice of pizza your child just dropped in the snow.
7. They aren't always checking their damn Instagram feed.
8. Paws render them physically incapable of operating a lighter and a pipe.
This story originally published in the November 2017 issue of POWDER (46.3). Subscribe to The Skier’s Magazine for $14.97.