Ski Journalism: The Truth is out there somewhere. Now let's go to the bar. PHOTO: MIKE WELCH

Jaded Local seeks avy II-certified college students to work closely with Renowned Ski Journalist. Race experience a plus. No daddy issues. Copenhagen habit OK.

Applicants must be willing to travel, be prepared to take notes at all times, collect all bar receipts and submit expense reports, get my ticket voucher from the people in marketing, carry a ghetto blaster to play Europe’s “The Final Countdown” every time I walk into a room, make breakfast with bacon, and handle any and all law enforcement officers and representatives of anything vaguely official or complicated, including my editors.

Ideal candidate would have a very supportive father who is a powerful attorney, the ability to obey orders in the midst of chaos, and a keen sense of direction…

…Near-genius level intelligence and excellent problem-solving ability, speak French, Japanese, and Canadian fluently, be comfortable with nudity in an alpine setting, be able to ice-climb up to grade 3 and free-solo 5.8 over exposure, enjoy malamutes, smell good, own a firearm, possess an EMT/WFR certification, have stowed away on a pirate ship, sparkle with a child-like wonder, be able to find the sweetest, deepest line and let me ski it first, be familiar with the complete works of Shakespeare and H.S. Thompson, be willing to monoski if necessary (it often is), know open ocean navigation, be able to forage for nuts and berries.

Must own 4×4 vehicle and snowmobile, beacon, and shovel. Touring skis, vintage outerwear and one (1) pair of next year’s goggles can be checked out for the season with a credit card deposit on file. Applicants will release The Jaded Local from any and all liability for the following, including but not limited to: injury, death, bad tattoos, pregnancy, long-term psychological issues, and any and all ill effects at all resulting from, proximate to, or involving The Internship. Applicants and accepted interns will not disclose any and all information relevant to, stemming from, or in even the most trivial and tangential relationship to the Internship, The Jaded Local, Powder Magazine, Grind Media, Source Interlink Corp., or about that one time in the hot tub.

Contact Mike Rogge at Powder Magazine for an application now!

*Actually, they just told me no on that one. But you will gain valuable Life Experience.