Storm Cycles for Ladies:
Code red! It dumped a foot overnight and then Aunt Flo showed up unannounced. Learn and practice techniques to shred while you shed your uterine lining! (Not unlike the techniques you use every month to carry on with your life and responsibilities despite ravenous pain, emotional unpredictability, and bloodshed.) Participants must be menstruating.
Complimentary Women’s Ski Touring:
Everyone knows women make only 82 cents for every dollar earned by men, resulting in a gender wage gap of nearly 20 percent—or as high as 54 percent for minority women. To compensate, we’re offering complimentary ski touring (an already free activity) at no cost to our female skiers! Meet at the Express Lift on Mondays and Fridays at 10:30 a.m.—smack dab in the middle of the work day. (Childcare not included.)
Companion Rescue 101:
Some unknown man at the bar has trapped your friend in a story, or worse, a barrage of his GoPro footage—and you really want to get back to your conversation about the top 10 literary characters that made you feminists. This course is an introduction to hazard avoidance, management, terrain selection, and evacuation techniques for this all-too-familiar après scenario.
This half-day morning lesson is designed for women who want to look their best after a long day ski touring. We will focus on how to expertly style your hair post skintrack slog, how to use elements found in nature to mask body odor, and how to apply a subtle smokey eye that will last lap after lap even on the deepest powder day. We will also cover accessorizing your favorite flannel so you’ll look feminine, but not too feminine! Tag our resort on your next Instagram selfie for 20 percent off your next lesson.
It’s Your Turn, Ladies:
Our most popular women’s program, a team of female instructors make this 3-day clinic an exceptional experience by teaching women to effortlessly master the angles of their ski turn while carrying the weight of their entire gender on their shoulders. You may have a lower center of gravity than men, but you don’t have to lower your expectations on the slopes! Participants will forge empowering, lifelong bonds—these women will be your future bridesmaids! (Instructors are also available to consult on your summer 2021 summit wedding!)
WFR (Woman First Responder):
You may be smashing the patriarchy and breaking the glass ceiling, but you’re still at a higher risk for an ACL tear than men thanks to that goddamn Q-angle. Upon completion of this course, you will be able to conduct a thorough exam to ensure that your body meets the impossible physical standards for women; obtain a patient history to ID another skier as a compatible partner based on physical fitness; assess vital signs (is this liftie asleep or just stoned?); and make crucial evacuation decisions when the smoke shack gets too crowded.