A Valentine's Day fail at Skibowl

Riding solo on the double chair. PHOTO: JOHN CLARY DAVIES

I’ve always assumed I’d meet my future wife on an old, slow double chairlift.

So when I heard about the speed-dating event Mount Hood Skibowl was hosting on Valentine’s Day, I figured I’d speed up the process. All my friends were being cute with their girlfriends that night anyway, so why not go fall in love myself.

Here’s how it works: one line for single guys, one line for single girls, one long magical chairlift ride. If the date goes well, “you take it to the next level,” as the guy in the ski shop told me, by taking the subsequent double chair to the Upper Bowl.

This was going to be too easy. I figured I’d fill up my phone with numbers, then take some lucky brunette back to my cabin in the woods, and make a roaring fire. We’d rip off each others pearl-snap flannels and make like 10,000 damn babies, all of whom would grow up to be expert skiers and doctorate students.

I even prepared. I trimmed my mustache. I put on my most expensive pants. Before I headed to the hill, I bought chocolates called “Bliss” for all my future girlfriends and filled my flask with medium good bourbon in case we needed to loosen up.

But nobody got in either line. It was just me. The lifty gave me a pitying smile, and then I rode that long, slow, dark double chair solo. I thought about my friends and their girlfriends. It was even Thursday, which means its college night at Skibowl, and anybody with a student ID gets a half-priced ticket. Where were all the precocious, academic babes looking to try new things? We were supposed to discuss Nietzsche and post-post-modern art tonight.

After a few lonely chairlift rides and icy laps, I did what any single guy would do on a Valentine’s Day date where he got stood up by the entire single female skiing population of Oregon. I went to the bar.

Add a comment

  • Melissa McGibbon

    Hilarious! Great writing!

  • Lune

    Ha! Thanks for this! The single girls and I in the office were all squealing. Too bad this slopeside dating game wasn’t happening up on Whitefish mtn where we’re all currently residing. Sorry Skibowl is just too far south.

  • pletch

    How have girls not figured out that the slopes is a hotspot for meeting great guys?

    Think about skiing/boarding for a minute. Its a very expensive hobby… It requires Gear, clothes, passes and often transportation unless you live and work at the mountain. If you exclude all the ski bums, anyone left probably has the following Characteristics:

    1) Money… enough to drop $50-$100 for a day on the slopes, not including flights, hotel, lodging for most major resorts. (I heard girls like guys that aren’t dead broke and live in their mom’s basement).
    2) To get money, most of us have jobs… and decent ones per reason #1.
    3) The men are somewhat athletic. You don’t find too many massively overweight people throwing flat 5′s in the park.
    4) Most skiers and boarders are adventurous, outgoing, laugh a lot, are friendly, and appreciate a great time, otherwise they wouldn’t be doing the sport.
    5) If you have all those qualifications, you are likely successful in life. Success as in happy, enjoy life, and would be a pleasant person to be around. You don’t meet too many people being an a-hole on a powder day. Compare that to guys watching football in bars drinking whiskey.

    With that being said…. you would think women would flock to the slopes and learn how to ski or board, just to meet men.

    Reversing that a little… Men – Take Yoga & Pilates classes!

    • David

      I know people who were ski bums after college and met there wives on the mountain and now live very happy and successful lives.

  • Lil’Finn

    soooo funny!!!! I used to ski around at ski bowl frequently, hoping to catch that magical chair ride with some cute badass skier boy with bourbon in his pocket, to no avail. I always ended up riding alone with the lifties giving me that same pitiful smile. I finally gave up and moved to montana where men are men and people ski for real. though I wish we had a singles chair lift dating as well here in bozeman! awesome idea!

    • AKMountainBarry

      I thought in Montana ” The men are men , and the sheep are scared!” Haha, Moved to Alaska… where the odds are good, and goods are odd.

  • Oregonoutback

    Ouch. The girls in my office suggested I go up to this. Glad I didn’t! I figured if I didn’t like her or she didn’t like me and we figured it out pretty quick it would make for one awkward lift ride.

  • af

    Nice writing. Sounds like a result to me. A whole lift and fresh tracks to yourself. There will always be single girls. no lift lines and Fresh tracks are rare. Ski like a demon whilst you can. The added twinkle in your eye from epic adventures on the hill is sure to give you the edge by the time you hit the bar

  • Lisa Bella Dae

    They’re in Utah…. waiting for a hot ski guy with game enough to ask for her phone number. !!!!

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