PHOTO: Alexa Miller
1. ChapStick: Melted, affixed to several half-dissolved ibuprofen and a bent wicket.
2. Condom: Unused, probably no longer reliable.
3. Handkerchief: Crusty, stiff, because that nose doesn’t wipe itself.
4. Ziplock bag: Well-used, with, as far as Mom is concerned, traces of nothing but skunky oregano.
5. Receipt: Crinkled, for the regrettable total of $132.57, time stamped 1:37 a.m.
6. Bacon: Stale, still delicious.
7. Plastic gnome toy: Don’t remember.
8. Ben Franklin, wadded: Dammit, just a George Washington. Add it to this season’s beer fund.