Lindsey Vonn, the fastest woman on the planet, at the 2013 FIS Alpine Skiing World Cup in Lake Louise. PHOTO: Red Bull Content Pool

Lindsey Vonn, the fastest woman on the planet, at the 2013 FIS Alpine Skiing World Cup in Lake Louise. PHOTO: Red Bull Content Pool

Lindsey Vonn reblew her knee and is out of the Olympics. Sadly, she’ll have to return to sunbathing on Horny Tiger Woods’ yacht, Privacy. On the bright side, a whole lot of corporate marketing department budgets just got vaporized, which always makes me happy, and the big shots at NBC are probably freaking out. Not to mention the Russian Mafia, err, government. The $51 billion-plus show just lost its female lead. Who will be the face (and T&A) of the greatest Fascist Olympics since ’36? All we can hope for is that it turns out to be a super gay ice skater who risks the ire of the Russian Security Services to make out with his boyfriend during the medal ceremony.

Or alternately, for the raddest Russians on the planet, the outlawed punk feminist protest collective Pussy Riot, to show up and clown the ever lovin’ crap out of Mr. Putin and the whole corporate lovefest.

Now if only insufferable Bob Costas could sprain his mouth, having claimed recently that slopestyle was basically “Jackass” on skis. Nothing in sports is worse than his smug moralizing, as if sports were a sacred ground, a holy metaphorical narrative, as if adults playing children’s games were important, and athletes owed society a certain Standard Of Nobility that Bob Costas will be more than happy to articulate with maximum pomposity. If there’s one thing that would be Good For The Sport, it would be a categorical refusal from any and all skiers to speak with him.

I guess it would have been a little much to ask for the athletes to actually boycott an event designed and engineered for the PR benefit of a fascist dictator, his mafia bros, and the multinational corporations that are screwing this planet and everyone on it. But, hey, what’s a little personal integrity when you can Represent Your Country and Go For The Gold?”