Another ski season’s in the bag and that means another 6,345,890 hours of murderously boring skiing POV footage was captured that YouTube shouldn’t allow on its servers. However, for the few talented kids out there, that footage might be worth editing to achieve the dream of “sponsorship.”

Time is of the essence. After all, while you’re sitting there waiting to get out of school or your crappy ski bum job, hundreds of rich parents are paying Bud Keene to teach their kids double corks before next year’s Olympics. Once you’ve put all that mind-blowing footie together and edited it to gangster rap or that awful “Sail” song, here’s the cover letter you should send with it.

Kelly Sildaru on the phone probably accepting another sponsorship agreement.

But just remember that whatever you do, there’s an 11-year-old girl out there named Kelly Sildaru that is better at you in both park and the backcountry and would already be winning the X Games if her fifth grade teacher would let her skip journaling class to fly to Colorado. So set your expectations low. Good luck!

[Insert Company Name]
XXX Avenida Epica
Salt Lake Epic, Powtah
United States of Stoke

Dear Sir/Madam:

My name is [INSERT NAME, FIRST FOLLOWED BY LAST], and I am submitting this letter, along with my 2013 season edit, because I really want to be sponsored by [insert company name]. I progressed all season long in the [park/backcountry/both], and believe I’d be a real asset in promoting your brand and getting more of the ski community stoked on your [skis/goggles/outerwear/home goods department store].

I have always admired [insert company name] and the way they have helped to progress the sport, and have been using your products since [date of first purchase of twin-tips or first 20+ foot cliff stomped]. I believe in your products even more than I believe in the theories of relativity and gravity, and as such, I would be honored to represent them.

This is what I promise to do for [insert company name] as a team rider:

-Represent your product at [insert name of home mountain] and tell every single person on the mountain about your product
-Regardless of the situation, when asked about your product, I will only use the following hyper-positive and non-descriptive phrases: “epic,” “the best ever,” “sooo good,” “honored,” “passion for the sport,” and “progress the sport”
-Re-post or retweet every social media post from [insert company name] and/or comment using only the above phrases
-Attend one local demo and use the above phrases in combination with names of your products to anyone who comes within 20 feet of the tent
-Verbally assault anyone on [insert bro website] who talks poorly about your products. In-person criticism will be greeted with a blank stare.
-Anytime anyone points a camera at me, I will wag my finger at your company’s logo, which will be tattooed on my forehead, at the same time as I shout “[Insert company name] for life!!”
-Post a link on my blog that no one reads under “companies that support me and progress the sport”
-Represent the [insert company name] lifestyle in my own epic lifestyle, but living every day to the fullest, having only good days, and having only fun.
-Be honored to represent [insert company name] because they progress the sport

And most importantly, I will have fun skiing. Because skiing is about having fun, and [insert company name] is all about epic days and having fun, so I will have it, too. As you can see in my 2013 season edit, not only can I do the [tricks/lines] necessary to make the [insert company name] team, but I have fun while doing them, and that’s unique. Also, passion.

Sincerely,

[Insert your name here]